Single-mindedness

The subject of individualism bothers me. I feel as though I'm a model for the individualist culture, mainly because I'm very independent; yet at the same time I wish America could be more of a collectivist culture. I'd rather not discuss this any further for now, however this subject is currently heavy on my mind.
So what is it with girls and their natural attraction to love stories? I never considered reading any novels of this genre until about a year ago, when Allison suggested I read a book by Nicholas Sparks. I have admit that I'm now addicted to romance novels...no, not the raunchy, overly-detailed kind, just the ones that are realistic enough to make one believe that a situation like it could happen to you one day. Except they won't because life just doesn't happen like that. I must say, as much of a romantic I am, I'm also very skeptical about the whole idea of love. François, duc de La Rochefoucauld sums up my thoughts, "True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen."
Today marks the last day of November, which means that I'll return to my nomadic state of life in exactly two weeks! Ah, the joys of multiple holidays within the period of one month! Anyway, I'm off to go read the rest of another book.
Love, as always,
Anna

Short But Sweet, A Summary of...Well, Pretty Much Nothing

Testing, one, two...well, if you're reading this it's because I'm actually able to publish now, after a couple days of computer glitches. I plan on keeping this short, however, simply because I am not sure it will work and I'd rather not spend time that could be spent on other things.
Tonight, the traditional "Felicity" night became "Friends" night with Jessie. Though I could never stand watching an entire episode while it was actually on TV, it was rather entertaining. Possibly not as exciting as the animated weatherman who rambled about the amazing change in weather that is hitting Texas. As long as snow is not in the forecast, I must say that this is all but good news for me. Sure, I'm prepared, but I've spent enough time in cold weather to say that my body cannot endure it without the aid of many layers of clothing. Just as I was convinced that I was building a layer of fat, it disappeared, and I am left with the same body I began with before the many Thanksgiving break meals that included overeating.
Now that I've thoroughly summarized the past week in a very short paragraph, I believe it is now time to get my good eight hours of sleep in for the night. And no, I'm not kidding about that.
Your Friend,
Anna

pre-Thanksgiving Festivities

Once upon a time, a few months ago in a place called "The Quad" I was minding my own business. Reading a book in the warm September sun, it was possibly one of the best feelings despite my discovery that the main character in the book was a bisexual. A man approaches me and asks about the nearest pay phone and, considering I had only been here for about a month, it is safe to say that I had no clue where it was. He proceeded to ask to borrow my cell phone, which was no problem because it was the weekend and I have free weekend calls. Not long after that we were into a whole conversation and he asked me out. Cute story, yes, except this man was 38 years old! I begrudgingly gave him my phone number because I know rejection is the worst thing ever, and the whole situation was a bit surreal at the time. He called a few days later to ask if I wanted to go to dinner with him, I deleted the call and prayed that I'd never have to see this man ever again. This morning I decided to check if my mom called me, because she is going to take me home for Thanksgiving break in about four hours now. I had a phone message, and discovered that this man had called me. I turned off my phone as quick as possible, but decided to turn it back on after returning from the gym (and that's another story). Thinking it was actually my mother this time, I listen...and again, it's this man.
My friend Nabil used to constantly tell me "guys are a--holes", and I would disagree with this because there are those that are perfect gentlemen. I think if he were here and not in Fairfax on break from JMU, he would repeat this statement and proceed to figure out where to find this guy and make sure he never calls me again. What is this about males that makes it okay for them to be complete idiots? This really puzzles me, not that I tend to be around these types most of the time. I'd much rather associate with guys, or people in general, who have high moral standards and do not take advantage of girls whenever they have the chance. 2 Corinthians 6: 14a and 15a states, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers...What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?" Imagine two oxen plowing together, one wants to go right and the other is pushing left. Relationships with people who do not share the same religious views are ultimately doomed to fail.
Now, more on my last day before Thanksgiving break. I had to print a project out this morning, so I ended up running to the library, but running to class was horrible because the sky decided to pour out all its wrath. I was either soaked or drenched, whichever you percieve closest to "I took a shower in the rain with all my clothes on"! Thankfully, I got out of class early, so I went to the gym and changed into drier clothes to lift weights. As I leave, I run into Abby, a girl I met from Cru's fall retreat just as a certain someone enters. I wave at him, then start talking about Thanksgiving plans, me getting a 100 on my poli sci test (yea right), etc. As I'm walking back to Action Jackson, I see a girl from church (Kate). Again, more talk about Thanksgiving plans, her mentioning that she's been talking about how she misses talking to me. JMU beauty and sweetheart Jennifer IMed me to say that she hopes I have a great Thanksgiving. Considering the rain is almost over, today has proved quite the bipolar day!
Thoroughly dazed and confused, but completely content,
Anna

Last thought: Michael Jackson has a song called "Black and White"...

More Than Enough

There are some phrases that just play over and over in your mind, what's stranger is when you cannot place why you might be continuously replaying this certain phrase. Recently, I've been reminded of the phrase "my grace is sufficient for you". This may be because I was hanging out with Grace, among others, last night, but I highly doubt that's the reason. The origin of this phrase comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9, "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " This has got to be one of the most amazing bible verses, although they are all good (for the most part).
This is my last full day at school until I retreat home, followed by a resort in Hot Springs (but that's another story for another time) and I have to admit, I have more work to do by the end of this day than I have had all semester. It's funny how those things happen; why do professors like to ruin the holidays with work that could have been assigned up to two and a half months ago? This rush to finish everything before the wonderful Thanksgiving holiday is what I had been craving up until now because all I want to concentrate is what I do when I go home (a full schedule of...nothing integrated by sleeping, shopping, watching movies, and of course, eating)! I think the lesson of this horrible final day is that no matter how flooded the entire state of Texas is or how much work and stress you have, God is always enough. He holds us up at the hardest times of our lives. Granted, this is not the worst point of my life, but I know that God will never let me down.
Now, about that word "sufficient"; it's probably one of my favorite words right now. It's such an awe-inspiring word, it has such magnitude. Talking food, being sufficient would mean you have everything you need in the exact proportion that you need it and being overall satisfied. You're not missing anything yet you do not have more than you need. Deficiency or toxicity in any nutrients can lead to serious consequences, the worst being death. God promises that we will not be lacking nor will we have more than we need, we'll have exactly what we need.
Despite my current feelings about my essay, project, and exam, I know I will be able to handle them. I think this is because I've always trusted that God would never give me more than I can handle. So bring on the hours of work! OH yea!
Hours aways from Thanksgiving break,
Anna

The Beauty of Life

I'm still in shock, despite my few hours of hanging out with my good friend Jessie. About six hours ago now, I was talking to a voice from the past. Not talking, exactly, more like IMing, and it hasn't been that long since I've talked to him...last year at the most beautiful college ever, James Madison University, I had the privilege of meeting a wonderful boy named Ken. The classic pretty boy who just happened to enjoy walking (or, when it was extremely cold, hitching a ride) to church with me. I will not divulge any more than that for now, but let me just say that we stopped talking to each other sometime over the summer for reasons unknown, most likely because we knew we would not see each other any time soon! I suppose I am making a big deal out of something very ordinary, but you need to understand that though I am often very melodramatic, there are times when I become completely overwhelmed by the littlest events.
This weekend has proven very unusual for me, including Thursday night. Cru/ultimate frisbee night is generally interesting, but this time Jessie decided to let me go solo. I went with Michael Rice to Taco Cabana to hang out with some of the crukids and we got to talking about that wonderful institution that is JMU, among other things. He now knows my great prom story, possibly the best story I know! I just need to say that it was so great to just hang out with a bunch of guys, sometimes I'm tired of feeling constrained to converse with girls simply because I'm one of them. Since I grew up playing with boys for at least the first five years of my life, it's relieving when I can be with those of the male persuasion. Girls are just too emotional for me, plus I really don't like fighting for the spotlight (which always happens with a group of females)! Most people assume that I'm the girly girl, but I really think that's based more on appearance than anything else.
This topic of appearance concerns me. As I stare at my James Dean stamp from Michael, I am reminded that the only reason he is so appealing to me is because he was so ruggedly handsome! A shampoo commercial runs quite regularly poses a good question: How long have we been chasing someone else's idea of beauty? The girls I am closest to at this school have decided to go on a diet with the hopes of losing ten to twenty pounds. This baffles me, the nutrition major, because first off, diets simply do not work. Secondly, who told them that skinny is beautiful? Thin does not equal pretty! Personality is infinitely more attractive than physical appearance. This is coming from a girl who used to dress for gym in the bathroom every day. One girl on my floor apparently still does this, which is very disturbing! No, I will not mention names, primarily because I do not know her name, but I must say that there is no reason why she cannot change in her own room. God formed our bodies for a purpose, why fight it? Now, I'm not completely satisfied with my own body yet, but there is no perfect body here on earth. Not even those underwear models who, I assure you, are airbrushed. Matthew 6:25 says, "Do not worry...about your body, what you will wear." It's not worth your time worrying about your appearance, God can see past all that makeup!
Your anti-diet drama queen,
Anna

Uncertainty

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?" *Switchfoot*
Many people are still searching for their purpose in life, myself included. Who will I be in ten years, where will I be, and what will my life be like? Everyone wonders what the future holds, especially in times of transition. Change: one of the most common fears in humans. Uncertainty of one's future is so worthless though; worry will not change what happens, it will merely prolong anguish and distract one from present circumstances. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34) One of the hardest things for me to give up is my desire to control my life without God's help. Why is it so hard though, when I already know that I cannot heal the sick nor play matchmaker?
As Thanksgiving approaches, I realize that I should be thankful for my circumstance despite certain struggles. Yet I still wish I could change things to fit my own wishes. I wish I could be more outgoing, I wish I still lived in Virginia, I wish cancer never existed, but I know God planned all this for a reason. Whatever happens is not up to me, and no matter how much I try to manipulate situations, everything will eventually fall into place with God's plan. Being human is just complicated, taking life step by step and not knowing where He is leading you. Particularly, as Americans who are always on the go, rushing to do everything, we need to stop. "Be still and know that He is God." Only He directs the future and we need to acknowledge that we cannot accomplish anything without His go-ahead.
I cannot say I'm alright with my aunt's chemo or my distance from people that I care very much about, but I trust that God will use this for His plan for my life. I have no idea where I'm going to be ten years from now; at this point I plan on being the pretty single girl that every man wishes they had married, but I could just as easily be the happy wife with a beautiful family living in that spacious house with the white pickett fence. Mary Tyler Moore of June Cleaver...we'll just have to wait and see! Either way, I know I will be able to do God's will by living as He planned before I was even conceived. And with this I leave you with one question: are you satisfied with your life?
Your eternal optimist,
Anna