Relationally Lost

It's exactly a week til Allison's 20th birthday today and it just ocurred to me that while I have the pleasure of attending other people's parties, I can't celebrate with the best friend I've ever had. Every other year I've gone over to her house for a party or, in the case of last year, just to hang out and enjoy the fact that she can tell me how depressing the last year of teenage life is. Being 1200 miles away from someone you've shared so many emotions, memories, thoughts, hopes, and dreams with just sucks. There's no other way of putting it, I don't like being away from someone I care so much about for so long. I'm not sure whether I'm masking the bitterness towards what brought me to Texas or I just enoy it so much here that I don't think about it, but she definitely is missing in my life and I feel it. She recently divulged to me that she's been lonely now that most of her friends are at college or investing a lot of time in significant others, which saddens me. I really wish I could be there for her like I was throughout junior high and high school, but I remain relatively helpless in the middle of a state I anticipated to hate with amazing, supporting people who have helped me in ways they don't even know. Long distance relationships are just generally emotionally taxing...Another relationship headline: my dad's coming down on Tuesday. Of course, the main reason is to go to a conference in San Antonio, but the fact that my dad and I are going to have dinner together alone is a huge deal. We've been talking a bit more since spring break, but I can confidently say that I'm not 'daddy's little girl' and haven't been for quite a while now. It's not like my parents are divorced, it's closer to a parent-child divorce, if that kind of thing is even possible. The good thing is that the honeymoon ended after about 12 years rather than 1 or 2, for reasons undetermined. I hope that one day we'll be able to talk to each other again without either of us trying to grasp for words and subject matters because he's a really great role model. Maybe Tuesday will help us recreate the bond we had during my childhood because I'd really like to be able to share what's going on in my life with him. It's kind of interesting that this happened to us though, it makes it easier for me to relate to friends whose parents are divorced in some strange way. Speaking of bad relationships, my computer has chosen to take away my privileges of making paragraphs once again, but whatever, as long as Michael thinks it's cool I'm sure everyone else does...Bis spaeter, Anna