Smile Like You Mean It

Five days til Spring Break, WOOHOO!!! What am I doing for this one glorious week that should fall on Easter? Well, if there's anything wrong with going home in hopes of relaxing by doing non-college-y things, then I just don't feel like being right anymore. I must confess that I enjoy the long trip back home, because I always know what to expect. I've been surprised the past couple times by a few changes, but certain things never fail to occur (catching up with the family, playing some sport with my brother, cooking something infinitely better than college food that actually resembles food, etc.). It's not so much that I've become overwhelmed with college life, it's more so that I've become extremely fragile for reasons unknown. Everything that's happened in this past week or so has had a harder impact on me than it should have. Result: I become extremely emotional, meaning I pretty much hate the world. I know I don't have the whole emo look down (neither do I wish that upon myself), but sometimes feelings just well up inside me but rarely get expressed. Lately I've found myself reverting back to my high school way of life, which included wishing I had better friends, pouting about how horrible my life is, and the sporadic angry spats with my best friend. Eventually I'd realize that I was alive and healthy, so I don't have any reason to be so melodramatic. At this point in my life, I've begun to wonder whether knowing these patterns of mine is disturbing; while it's great to know that these feelings will eventually dissipate, it's somewhat exhausting to go through these predictable patterns. Between that and beginning to get into relationship patterns, I've become emotionally unstable. At the mention that I was in a fight, a friend suggested that I'm "the least confrontational person ever"...well, let's just leave that comment as is because no one from Texas had the pleasure of bonding with me in high school. Conflicts with other people has become utterly predictable for me too, which takes much of the excitement out of arguments. Without arguments, life is rather uneventful...I think I'm ready for something wild and crazy to happen to me. Nothing involving getting drunk, high, or raped, just something that's never happened to me before that would reinstill my interest in life. Monotony has been wearing away my soul ever so slowly despite my new surroundings and acquaintences. What, then will cause this change in heart? Well, that's for me to find out and you to read about later on. Until it happens though, I will remain the shy little girl that most people are afraid to talk to.