Silent Killer

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."-- Martin Luther King Jr.

After being home in San Marcos again, what better to do than attend a birthday party for a guy you don't know? I realize now that this has become a frequent occurrence in my life, for reasons I cannot explain. Last night, blending into early this morning, we were playing that riveting game known as "Murder in the Dark". I'd never played this before, but it was, indeed, painful. After becoming mildly disinterested with this game, I was 'killed' twice by the same murderer. Then I decided to fake interest and hide, only to be found again by a different murderer (Hroch, that sneaky little devil). A few people remarked that had I been the killer in one of the games, it would certainly have been frightening and mysterious. Considering that I was tripping over the couch and hitting a table, however, I highly doubt I would be the prime candidate for such a role.
This party for someone I hardly knew was extremely awkward for me in many ways. Looking around, I noticed that I knew practically no one in the room very well at all. I asked myself, "what am I doing here? It's almost 3 am and I need to actually wake up tomorrow morning so I can buy books, call Sandy, do some form of exercise..." My need to be surrounded by people was the only thing keeping me from running back to my dorm - that, and the fact that I had no idea in which direction to run. Why is it, though, that I love human interaction yet fear so much to speak sometimes? If there's one thing I could change in my life, it would be my lack of speech. I realize that not everyone can talk at the same time because no one would be heard, but it'd be infinitely better if I could be acknowledged as someone who has an opinion and comprehensible thoughts. Actually, I might dig myself into a hole if I give my opinions as frequently as most people. For instance, last night at dinner a girl decided to show us that she could put her fist into her mouth. If there's anything I find less impressive than a stupid comment, it's displaying certain abilities - especially at a meal. She didn't actually finish, which was a relief, but I'm sure I wasn't the only one left wondering whether or not she really could put her whole hand into her mouth.
I suppose my quietness is what made people assume that I'd be a great murderer in that horrifyingly boring game last night, but the fact that there was the faintest hint of light in every room would have given myself away as easily as it did everyone else. I was going to tie this in with the MLK quote above since it is that day upon which we reflect on his great victories in desegregation, but I'd rather not spend more time thinking about last night anymore. It's a new day and I have things that simply must be done.
Your quiet friend,
Anna