Noerthern Exposure

Happy New Year! And what a wonderful new year it's been so far...my first few hours were spent in the beautiful midwestern city of Saint Louis with my cousins, aunt, uncle, immediate family, and my cousin Paul's best friend. At the age of about 17, this boy is alarmingly tall (I'd say about 6'4")! I guess this is somewhat of a secret, but I'm extremely attracted to tall people. A couple days after Christmas, my gandmother and I spent a good hour looking at pictures from my great-uncle who has recently passed away and we discovered the tallest, most lanky man I've ever seen. At least, that's how I perceive him from the many pictures I obtained during this little "trasure hunt". For those of you who also have a height fetish, I will be sharing these photos all in good time (in other words, when I get on a computer that allows me to upload photos).

This new year, having been mainly spent traveling great distances, raises the question of resolutions. Most people decide to attempt a weight loss or smoking cessation plan, but neither of these applies to me. I could stand to lose those normal "holiday pounds", but that'll come naturally, so I'm left on my own to create some magical New Year's resolution for myself that will probably never be accomplished simply on the basis that it is simply that: a New Year's resolution. Somewhere in that overwhelmingly state known as Missouri, within a few seconds, I decided on possibly the most obvious pledge for myself. That's right folks, I'm now determined to become more vocal. Eeek. Don't laugh too hard now, I'm actually serious about this one. I'm pretty sure that everyone who knows me has told me, "you're so quiet, why don't you talk louder/more?" I have to say, it's become somewhat of a personal trait of mine, but an annoying one at that. You can only take "say that again, I couldn't hear you" so many times before you want to explode. So yes, more talking, louder talking from the one person who tends to keep all emotions and thoughts inside, save blogging and e-mails. My friend Ann recently sent me one of those chain letters asking a bunch of personal questions; one was "when was the last time you cried?" To this one I replied something like, "I seriously can't remember, probably at my grandfather's funeral." That would have been about nine years ago, so I'm sure it's no wonder I asked myself "am I even human?" after discovering this. Truthfully, I did cry when I found out that my aunt has breast cancer, but that one was very short-lived. I hate being so emotionally exposed, especially in front of other human beings. This makes no sense, considering everyone has their own moments, but I just find it awkward to feel vulnerable in front of people. I'd hate to be perceived as the typical damsel in distress, overly dramatic stupid little girl who likes every cute boy who comes her way and cries because her friend doesn't want to hang out with her.
This coming from someone who nonchalantly undresses in cars in broad daylight, it may sound unusual that emotional exposure is one of the most dreaded experiences possible. As with the physical concept of modesty, it seems there is an emotional and mental sense of modesty as well. Divulging too much at once or to one person is extremely embarassing and debilitating. This is what I need to overcome within the next twelve months, which is dabatably the hardest oath to possibly fulfill. Ah, the new year, time to ring it in loud and clear.
Much love,
Anna